What Happened You Ask?


That day

Sometimes I feel like I just dwell in that day. My mind can’t wrap around it. That night HeeJun and I went for a walk around our block. I remember holding his hand and commenting on how soft his skin was. He joked that it was because he washed. We stopped and talked to our neighbors. All so mundane, but it means so much now. We watched the opening ceremonies to the Olympics. HeeJun was fascinated by the drumming and the boxes popping up. He rewound that part several times. Such a nerd. I won’t ever watch the olympics or those opening ceremonies without seeing his excitement. I fell asleep on the couch. This bothers me. It was such a normal thing for me to do, but I was sleeping as HeeJun was experiencing life. We went to bed late that night. I wonder if he was tired the next morning.

He was so excited to get on his ride that morning that he woke up before his alarm at 6:15am. I know this because his alarm went off the next morning, jolting me into the next day. He didn’t wake me up to say goodbye. Just let me sleep through his nightmare. I can’t believe I was sleeping while his friends were fighting for his life.

I woke up and went grocery shopping, came home and I saw the troopers cars parked across the street. I made a joke to my neighbor “what did you do this time”. Not funny.

Deep breaths. Just breathe.

I heard the doorbell ring and I was worried about getting a jacket on because I didn’t want to answer the door in the shirt I was wearing.

Two troopers at my door saying sit down, it is bad, who can we call. I thought it was a joke. I thought they had followed me home because I was speeding. Can’t be real, still can’t be real. They put their hats on my kitchen table.

Friends rushed to my side, bringing their sweet babies for a distraction. My parents and his parents drove from Raleigh. His best friend, Matt and wife Amanda drove down. Lots of shaking and sobbing.

His courageous motorcycle buddy, Doug, came by and gave me his helmet and comfort that HeeJun did not suffer. I found out later through charlottesportbikes.com how much he was loved and admired by those guys. HeeJun was a safe and responsible rider. They say that he never put on his brakes on turns. Maybe he saw a squirrel or deer. He ran into a tree. Not a scratch on his helmet or gear. His Ipod is a little scratched. He always told me before his other crashes that he could see it happening and would think “this is going to hurt”.

Deep breaths. Just breathe.

Doug said he never gained consiousness. He said HeeJun shed one tear. I hope that tear was not a tear of sadness or regret. I hope he did not know what was happening. I hope the tear was a tear of joy that he was being greeted by Christ.

  6 Responses to “What Happened You Ask?”

  1. This is Lauren(9 yrs old)…I read the story thats sooooooo sad i hope you have joy and happiness though out your life and have him with you in your heart.

    From Elizabeth…Erica, I know it took a lot of strength to write those words, and I could feel my breath catching in my throat as I read it..could envision being there with you, and the surreal passing of those moments. I like to think that Heejun’s tear was of joy for being united with God. And I wish tears of joy to frequently bless you in your life, through experiences of happiness and union with those who are around you, who support you and love you each day. I can envision Heejun smiling down upon you right now….still a part of every experience, and holding you up.

    • ohhh how i love seeing them all again. and it#;&2178s always fun to see which favorites we share in common. thank you for capturing our day SO beyond perfectly. <3

  2. Hi Erica, My husband Mike was with Doug and “He-man” (that’s what my husband called him) that day, holding him in his arms. It is a blessing to hear the happiness again in your posts. Caroleen has probably told you that my husband had an accident in June and is trying to recover from traumatic brain injuries. It is a long, hard journey but knowing that you have found happiness gives me hope that Mike will recover to ride again someday and we will find our joy. I know what it is like to have your life changed in seconds and I know that God is good and compassionate! Thank you for sharing your story. Many blessings to you and Chad. Mike and I shed tears of happiness for you. Mona

  3. Dear Erica, Your story is so touching and captures perfectly how life can change in an instant. I’m so thankful that God holds us in His hands through all of life, the good and the bad. And I’m so happy for this next phase of your life. I remarried, too, and it’s a beautiful thing to be gifted with a second love. Many blessings on you.

  4. Dear Freshwidow,

    I sat here in Starbucks reading your story of “what happened,” to our husband, and I am crying. You are following me on my blogsite http://www.vagabondheart.wordpress.com Thank you for sharing your story of the day he died. My son died alone – alone at least here on earth. I pray he didnt’ know he was dying, and that he only felt the joy of Christ meeting him.



  5. As I read through just some of your stories, I am overwhelmed with tears. I lost my husband almost a year and a half ago, and became a 24 year old widow. It’s been a rough. But I feel myself healing, and even becoming a more accepting, live-for-the-day person than I was before. I am now 26, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life. I really DO want to open my heart, to love and be loved again. But I’m scared. I’m scared that I won’t be able to love fully and completely again. But then I read through your blog, and I see hope. Thank you.

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