The first year and the second year. Crazy.
I feel like I have mastered what I need during this death march. For HeeJun’s birthday, I need to get away and do something fun. This year, Chad and I went to the New River to go paddling for the weekend. Pictures to come, I promise. Today I took the day off of work not knowing what I would feel like.
I woke up with a smile. The “what if’s” and “why’s” from years past are not here today. The “shoulda’s ” have not visited yet. I woke up smiling remembering where I was a few years back and where I am now. God gives strength to the weak. I am amazed at where He has brought me and how He brought me through. How did I get from that dark, dark, darkness to here? It’s humbling.
I call these months the “death march” (borrowed/ stolen from another widow blogger). July 1st, I start planning what I am going to do for his birthday. Where will I go? Who will I be with? Will I get a cake? I start planning what I will do for the Alaska time anniversary. Do I have the photo album out? Will I look through it? I start planning what I will do for the date of his death. Where will I go? Who will I be with? Thinking that I have some control over things helps a bit.
Haha! I just remembered the time I forgot his birthday. I was in West Virginia for the summer and he was in Myrtle Beach. Both of us were doing mission trips. He called me that night and we talked about nonsense. I remember thinking he sounded a little off and peeved for some reason. The next day, I looked at the calendar and screamed! Eeeek! I had forgotten his birthday! That will never happen again now!
Happy birthday, Snarflarkle Snarf.