If he just had one more day to visit, or one day to be here…
I would slap him. I would be so mad at him for thinking that he wouldn’t die on a motorcycle. I would slap him for not kissing me goodbye.
I would hug him and not let go. I would soak in his scent. I would deliberately remember how his kisses felt. 
I would ask him all about Heaven and Jesus. I wouldn’t waste time telling him what it has been like these 34 months.
If he were here he’d be proud of me. I wish he were here to see who I have become. I think it’s the me he always knew I could be.
If he were here I would show him the new house. He would be in awe of the yard and so thankful that he didn’t have to mow it.
I wish he were here to see his God-daughter, Savannah. Caed and Sass are amazing. And Cora! And Tasman! He would be amazed at all our friends having babies.
He would laughlike this at my job situation. 
He would be furious like this at his family. I wish I could write more about it, but the Jesus in me won’t allow it. Oh, but he would have protected me and also showed me how to love them through this. 
He would love the dogs. Oh my goodness, he would think Juneau and Moorea are the coolest! He would spend all day with them!
He would laugh at Modern Family. I would show him the finale of Lost and he would have been as confused as I was. He would watch the whole season of SYTYCD over again.
He would shake Chad’s hand and be grateful for him. He would thank him for loving me and taking care of me, and he would thank him for bringing me back. He might rib him a little and it might be a little awkward…what a thought! He might even be a little jealous that Chad is getting the best of me. 
Hey Erica… I could not have been happier seeing you in NC. You made my trip worthwhile! I love this post… you are so right that there’s room to love Hee Jun even though you are blissful with Chad… they are not threats to each other, and you honor Hee Jun each day that you remember that love and keep it in your heart. It diminishes nothing from Chad, and thankfully, he understands that and is secure enough to support you in being whole in that way. He is a blessing. You ARE a wonderful person, and I love that you have found the strength to grow through your pain to merit joy. You are a great example to others through your posts and your light. And even though you still have hurts, I know you will keep sending those in pain your love and prayers, knowing that they are loved by G-d just as you are. When the light returns in their hearts, they will know joy that you have found happiness again. And they too will be grateful that you have someone that loves you well, the way Hee Jun would want you to be loved and cared for. Don’t let anything cause doubt about that. The soul does now know emotions such as fear or jealousy… only love. Much love to you, my friend!
great post erica. i love your blog.
Oh my goodness, what a beautiful post! It is so true. HeeJun would be so beamingly proud of who you are and all that you’ve done. And I know he would be thankful for Chad for bringing back our happy bopping Erica to us! This post brought tears to my eyes, I love it so much. And I love you so much! moosh!
This is such a beautifully written post!
I can’t imagine the mix of emotions when you have a heart held for each of them. Love you to babe as you forge ahead. He would be happy, there’s no doubt. Just as I hope Kevin is happy for me and the woman I too have become since his death.
Oh, tears. Beautifully written. Beautiful.