May 3rd, 2003 HeeJun and I were married. It would have been 8 years. I didn’t quite know how to “celebrate” or what to do to acknowledge the day. How do you celebrate/ mourn a marriage that was without hurting the marriage that is? It’s tricky. Praise God Chad is so confident and wonderful. He’s okay if I say I miss HeeJ. The strange thing this year was that I didn’t miss HeeJ in a “oh, I want him back NOW” way. Rather it was a sadness that he had to suffer and had to die. He was such a cool, inspiring and fun person. The emotion I felt was sadness that he didnt get to be here to experience all the wonderful things I have in my life now. Weird feeling and it took me a while to define that emotion.
Chad brought me flowers, a Mocha and a sweet card. He cooked dinner and let me just sit on the couch. During my hour to myself after work, I looked through the Kim wedding album. So young and naive. We had no clue.
On our 5 year anniversary, the last one we celebrated together, we went white water rafting. It was terrifying, but fun. More terrifying for me, fun for him. That’s a memory that makes me smile and those are the memories I held on to to celebrate our 8 year anniversary.
So impressed at the way you handled the day with such grace. I really admire you!
I saw this blog post & thought you might like – both the blog and the author she’s interviewing:
http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2011/05/i-place-a-high-value-on-these-black-market-pearls-of-wisdom.html
Oh my goodness, I missed the day. I’ve been in such a whirlwind I don’t even know what day it is anymore! I’m sorry I didn’t call, but you know I am always thinking of you. I swear that Chad is an angel from heaven, he is the most understanding and caring man in the world! I’m so glad yall found each other. I really think HeeJun would be so proud of how beautiful and strong you are and how gracefully you can deal with such complex emotions. You are loved!