Chillin' With Lemonade

HeeJun would be appalled. I got a tattoo. I have heard that getting a tattoo is something lots of grieving people do as a way to remember. I knew I wanted one right after the funeral, but I wanted to make sure it wasn’t the grief talking. It wasn’t.

I went Tuesday and told JB at Tattoo Bills my story. I brought a letter HeeJun wrote to me that had the words “Love never dies” written in it. He used HeeJun’s handwriting. He designed it. It’s the Christian symbol if the Fish with the letter Love Never Dies written in HeeJ’s handwriting and his initials HJK underneath.

I love it. It didn’t really hurt at all. It felt like a dog scratching me. I actually almost fell asleep and I promise I wasn’t on any medication. That might be how my body copes with stress, though. During the whole process and anticipation before, I kept telling myself, “I have been through worse. Geez. I saw my husband laying in a casket. I can at least get a tattoo.”

And I did!

Family.

I remember Mom worried about me shaking on the couch on that day.

I remember waking up and crying the day after. Mom and Brittany held me while I sobbed.

I remember Dad telling me stories of a hawk and a dog while I laid in bed trying to find my footing in the world. He kept me grounded.

I remember Dad making files upon files and helping me call every stupid company to figure out my life.

I remember Dad handing his credit card to the funeral director as the man asked me “and how are you going to pay for this”.

I remember driving back and forth from Raleigh to Charlotte every weekend with them.

I remember Mom helping me pick out Juneau, because I couldn’t make any decisions. Best dog ever!

They helped me gather my life together. They helped me sustain my life. They let me hurt, but also allowed me to laugh and play.

They were there for me the first few months. They are here for me now. As I am starting to “heal” and become a healthier and happier daughter and sister, they are still here for me, loving me, encouraging me, supporting me. Goodness, my sister even was brave enough to come move into this mess of my life!

I love them!!!!

I love them!!