Chillin' With Lemonade

August 8th

Aug 082010

Two years ago on this date, at this time I was watching the Olympics with HeeJun. In a few short hours, the troopers would come knock on my door and my world, my faith, my life , my family would be shaken to the core. Everything would change.

This weekend I have been struggling with the balance between joy and sorrow. I have had lots of flashbacks of that day. Why did he shed a tear? What was he thinking? What if I had been there? What if….

I have felt this weight on my chest all weekend. Brit and I went to the beach and relaxed and got burned to a crisp. It was perfect, but I woke up early in the mornings feeling heavy and panicky. The ride back to Charlotte today, I had to take lots of deep, meditative breaths. Thank goodness, Brit offered to drive the whole way home. She’s so incredible!

I wrote a whole paragraph about being grateful and all that positive mumbo jumbo, but honestly, for right now, I’m just missing him and that’s ok.

I miss you and love you always.

The Sound of Weeping and Laughing

1 Response »

Aug 062010

“…so that the people could not distinguish between the sound of the shout of joy from the sound of the weeping of the people.”- Ezra 3:13.

“On this side of the resurrection of Jesus, on this side of the final fulfillment of the promise to work it all for good (Romans 8:28-32), there will still be grief. Yet as Paul says in 1 Thes 4:13, not as those who have no hope. Our weeping will be weeping on the rock on hope.

My prayer for myself and all of you is that our weeping might be deep but not prolonged. And while it lasts, let us weep with those who weep. And when joy comes in the morning, let us rejoice with those who rejoice (Psalm 30:5, Romans 12:15)”- John Piper, Taste and See.

This devotion meant so much to me. I held on to a copy of it and read it over and over again. Why did the people weep and shout for joy? The wept because of what they lost. They shouted for joy because they knew what they had lost and how far they had come. The wept because they knew what they had lost and how far they had come. They shouted for joy because of the hope they had for the future. They wept because of the hope they had for the future. Weeping and shouting for joy. It so defines my life right now.

For example:

This is the spot where I first came home and wept. This is the spot where my mom and dad had to hold me up. This is the spot where I fell on the floor and sobbed loudly the first time I was alone in the house.

This is also the spot where my wonderful sister stands and talks to me about her day. She cooks a rocking mac and cheese. This is the spot my sister cares for me and encourages me and loves me.

This is the spot where I hug my boyfriend as he sweeps me off my feet. This is the spot where I kiss my boyfriend and weep for the hope I have after what I have lost and shout for joy for the hope I have knowing what I have lost.

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