A few weekends ago my boyfriend came home with me to meet the parents. I am used to intertwining HeeJun and the boyfriend into my home here, but I did not expect the emotions that came up to happen at my parents house. It was a weird feeling. It was the first time I have felt like I was cheating on HeeJun. My parents house is where HeeJun and I pretty much grew up together. I was able to acknowledge these feelings and talk about them with Thee Boyfriend. 
There was a moment, though, that I was up in my old bedroom and Thee Boyfriend was downstairs. In that bedroom is a picture of me and HeeJun on our wedding day. There was a moment where I wanted to take that picture and just lie on my old bed all day and cry. It would have been so easy. To just lie there and remember and be swallowed up in my grief forever. Instead I looked at the picture of HeeJun and said out loud, “I love you. I will always love you and miss you. But you left me. I have this incredible man downstairs who I love, too. My heart is big enough. And I am strong enough to walk downstairs and embrace this life while holding onto the life I had with you, too”. I had to say it and I had to push myself to take those steps downstairs.
Not easy but you gotta fight for Joy.