The biggest struggle I have had while dating as a widow has been defining my identity. Who am I now?

For so long I was HeeJun’s girlfriend.Then I was HeeJun’s wife. Then suddenly, my life was ripped apart and I had to figure out how to tape the pieces together. I needed my family.
I needed my friends.

I had to figure out how to do things by myself. I started defining myself as a widow. I started embracing it. If I was seen as a widow, it meant HEEJUN WAS HERE. People knew I was hurting. People would not forget HeeJun if I defined myself as a widow.

Now, I’m dating and in love. I want to marry this guy.

What will my identity be then? Will people forget that HeeJun was here? Will people think that I am fine. Will people not see my battle scars? My counselor asked me, “why is it so important that people see your scars and know that HeeJun Was Here? Why care what people think?” Good question. I love when counselors call me out on my people pleasing.  I also have the fear that people will think I am all better and when I flip out I won’t have that valid Widow Card to pull. Again, who cares what people think. When a co-worker asked me when I would stop using the widow card, it sent me into a tailspin. It sent me back into that darkness that I am all alone. Nobody gets it. But that is a lie. I am not all alone.

And my identity is not in HeeJun, or as a widow, or even as Chad’s girlfriend.

My identity is in Christ. That’s a deep concept, that I am just beginning to dive into (shout out to Dave Stambaugh).  I think once I get it, though I will have a grasp on this defining myself junk.

I am Accepted. I am God’s Child. I am Christ’s friend. I have been justified. I am united with the Lord and I am one with Him. I have been bought with a price. I belong to Him. I am a member of Christ’s body. I am a Saint. I have been adopted as God’s child. I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit. I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. I am complete in Christ.

I am Secure. I am free forever from condemnation. I am assured that all things work together for good. I am free from any condemning charges against me. I cannot be separated from the love of God. I have been established, anointed and sealed by God. I am hidden with Christ in God. I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected. I am a citizen in Heaven. I have not been given the spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. I can find grace and mercy in time of need. I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.

I am Significant. I am the salt and light of the world. I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of his life. I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit. I am a personal witness of Christ’s. I am God’s temple. I am a minister of reconciliation for God. I am God’s co-worker. I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm. I am God’s workmanship. I may approach God with freedom and confidence. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.