There’s no Spring in My Forward…

 3 Responses »
Mar 102009
 

Some thoughts I have had lately;

  • Maybe I have been in the avoidance phase of grief. I have been avoiding actually sitting and being still with God. I haven’t been able to have a real conversation with God in a while. But when I am still, that “still, silent voice” starts to creep in. Maybe that is why I am trying to stay busy. I even went into work on Saturday to avoid being still and “knowing that He is God”. Uh..what is wrong with me? I have also been avoiding writing a goodbye letter to HeeJun. Matt and Bomi were able to do it at the Memorial service, but I just couldn’t. And I still can’t. I wrote so many notes and cards and letters to HeeJun. I still write to him often in my journal, but I just can’t write that final one. Maybe it is because I believe it is not the final letter. I have also been avoiding the closet. Packing up his clothes to send to Sarah so she can make something beautiful out of it. Thank God for Sarah.

  • the worst part about saying goodbye is having to say it over and over again- I think that is a quote from JD on Scrubs. True dat! I wonder if the day will come when my mind doesn’t think to call him or think to tell him something. I thought I saw him the other day in his black mustang. the brain is a weird thing.

  • I used to love grocery shopping. I mean love it! But now, for several reasons it is just another reminder of goodbye. No one to cook for, so what do I cook? I have been living off veggie trays and tostitos. (Thank God for Yoga and Zumba.) It also doesn’t help that I was off enjoying a grocery shopping trip when the troopers and HeeJ’s friends were trying to find my house to tell me ” it’s bad”.

  • PS. How does one still spend the same amount of money on groceries, even though I’m not cooking and only shopping for one. Darn Frappachinos!
 Posted by at 8:25 pm

Ode to Gabby

 4 Responses »
Mar 092009
 

The best dog in the whole wide world passed away this weekend. My parents’ bought Gabby when I was a senior in high school. The advertisement for her said “mom; black Labrador, dad; dirty, rotten, scoundrel”. I remember I was over at HeeJun’s house and my parents called to tell me to come over and meet the new puppy. HeeJun loved Gabby. He was ridiculously allergic, but he loved blowing in her ears and playing with her. He loved taking her for walks and letting her off leash. He always said that she liked him more because “they had an understanding”. He gave her freedom. When we would come home to visit, she would always go to him first. She looked for him for quite a while after…all this. I remember one walk where he let her go off leash and then he jumped behind a bush to hide. When Gabby turned around and saw that he was gone, she ran back so quickly! It was almost as if you could see her saying “uh-oh, I lost them. Where’d they go, where’d they go?”

My poor parents had to watch her get more and more sick. They were there when the vet put her down. I know she is just a dog, but she was family. I loved my Gabby-girl!
 Posted by at 8:52 pm
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