I know. That post title sounds so sad and heartbreaking. But it fits. I don’t know if it is still the exhaustion from the trip or that this weekend would have been WOULD HAVE BEEN our wedding anniversary. I have felt weighted down, like walking in jello. The tears have been “right there” all week. My kids at work said “mrs. erica, you look like you just woke up”. I just didn’t feel like doing anything, getting out of bed, talking to people, even walking the poor dog. I zone out almost immediately in meetings and just don’t really care what people are saying to me. I have difficulty staying focused and decided I shouldn’t be driving this weekend since my focus is not what it should be. I haven’t even cared about watching tv or reading my gossip magazines! I was telling a friend about how I was feeling and he said “erica, that’s what depression feels like…”

Oh.

Well, that’s what I am supposed to feel like. If I didn’t, then there would be a problem. I am very wary of medications, so don’t suggest meds. and I am still doing ok. even though i was feeling like this, i still did my gardening at work, i still took juneau for walks, i still got out of bed. I have called in the “troops and warriors” for this weekend. I know I could not face this weekend alone.

I went out for drinks (shocking, I know) and air hockey last night with my amazing co-workers. Seriously, some of them came from 45 minutes away, feeling sick, with no money, just to support me. My dear friend Jax is coming today to go shopping with me. Wonderful church friends are going out to eat Cheeesecake tomorrow with me. I’m actually excited.

So, this is what depression feels like. but it is also, what hope and comfort feels like, too.