July 18th. You should have been 31. We should have gone to visit you family and your sister should have made you a cake… Or maybe they would have come here. Your mom would have made Kalbi and PiBiPop. You would have grilled out and been proud of your master grilling skills. They would have bought you shirts and you would return them the next day. Maybe we would have had a baby by now. Maybe that would have been your gift. If you were here and I know what I know now, it would all be different.

Last year his parents came to visit us. i tried to plan a big party since he was 30, but it fell through. He didn’t care. He just wanted to spend it with his family. He said Alaska was his big present. He got a lot of presents for our Alaska trip . His sister bought a cheesecake and made a cake. If only I had known in 23 days, everything would change. If I knew…I would hold on and not let go. I would enjoy every moment.

This year, I knew I needed to get out of town. If not, I would have done the “what if, and the why, why, why’s”. I knew I wasn’t strong enough for that. Doug and Angela were kind enough to take me hiking up to Linville Falls and around some beautiful trails on the Blue Ridge Parkway. We also visited the crash site. I know it was hard for Doug to be there. I am so grateful for them and their willingness to hike with me on a day that I was most zombied out. I honestly didn’t process the ride there and can’t remember now which park we visited. I was just there for the ride. I did make it a point to enjoy the beauty around me and to enjoy spending time with good people. Being outside and enjoying the day was the best thing I could do. I think HeeJun would have liked that i was doing that. Although, he would have hated the hiking and the bugs (He would have said Asians don’t hike.) I was so tired afterwards that i just zonked out and had no time to cry.