Erica

Dec 102009

Being exhausted, but not able to sleep.

Comes with the widow territory.

Every night I watch tv until all the good shows are over. I dance around the room for a while, then I head to bed. No, I don’t sleep. I check all my facebook friends’ status’. I check all my blog friends’ posts. I dread when I am done. When no one has posted anymore. When I actually have to put this crackberry down and turn off the light.

I used to go to sleep so easily. No, that’s not true. I tossed and turned with HeeJ, but I did not dread sleeping.

I stay up too late every night. Every morning I have to drag myself out of bed because I am so tired and I have no energy. Every morning I say I’m going to bed earlier next time. Every night, I avoid sleep at all costs. That’s what I’m doing right now, actually. On my crackberry, posting to no one.

So, thanks for your status updates and posts. Keep them up!

If you don’t have anything nice to say…

8 Responses »

Dec 062009

don’t say it at all…

That is why i haven’t posted in a while. I just was tired of being gloomy, and tired of my own voice. Because, geez louise, I miss him. I’ve been told that grief comes in waves often. You think you’re done dealing with something and then boom, it’s there again.

when i told my counselor some of the things going through my head, she said, “girl, you are IN it”. i sighed with relief. thank goodness someone noticed. She gave me “homework” to write down and carry with me some scripture verses to encourage me and remind me of His truths throughout the day. So, what’s your favorite verse?

ok. no more gloomy.

the troops came in this weekend! They helped me shop for tacky holiday decorations. Garden Ridge baffled our minds!

They brought me food to last months!

They cleaned, vacuumed, dusted, literally on their hands and knees scrubbing the shower drain! That is a true friend!

We decorated the tacky house til past midnight, in the cold. Some of them are mothers of infants, running on no sleep. That’s a true friend!

They each gave me a tacky (or beautiful, depending on your taste) decoration.

please note to pink flamigos!

bah humbug! I even have a hat that says BAH HUMBUG to wear!
We looked through the scrapbook; it’s almost complete!

They presented me with a beautiful necklace with Jeremiah 31:3-4 on it and HJK inscribed on the back. It was the best way to start off the month. Because of their encouragement I was able to smile and laugh at holiday parties, I couldn’t even fathom going to last year.

See…I’m smiling.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with loving kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt. Again you will take up you tamborines and go out and dance with the joyful.”

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