Please, don’t mistake my tears for weakness. But most of all don’t mistake my smiles for strength.

i wake up most mornings thinking of him. I think about him as I drive. I miss him at lunch. I miss him on the way home. I think about him all the time. i ache for him at night. I fall asleep looking at these pictures. I can’t believe all I have is pictures. I can’t believe the man in the pictures isn’t on this earth. It weirds me out. Breaks my heart.

Just because I don’t say it, don’t be mistaken.

I think this is a common fear with widows. People just think we are ok. I know people have decided, “yep, erica’s doing so much better. she’s all better now”. They have no idea.

I guess that’s my fault for not talking about it as much. But really, if I did, it’s all you would hear. And you don’t want to hear that.