Apparently HeeJun moved in with Chad and me.
We keep getting mail here addressed to HeeJun, which is weird because I only had my name forwarded here and most things were taken off of his name. Yet somehow, some companies believe HeeJun moved here. How the heck did they get that name and address put together? It is so weird.
It makes me laugh now. Everytime Chad passes me another envelope addressed to HeeJun I just have to laugh.
It’s a good thing I am much more emotionally stable now.
I laid in bed last night and I was ridiculously happy. I thought this is what marriage is supposed to be like. This self-less, can’t wait to get home to you, can’t wait to make you happy and hear you laugh, kind of love. Then I thought, damn I hope I made HeeJun this happy. It makes me sad to think of all the times I was so selfish and stupid in our marriage. I remember the fights and how angry we would get at each other. I hope underneath those trivial stupid fights, he had this feeling of utter happiness and joy. I hope when he thougth about our marriage he felt love and that he was loved.
Did the feeling of guilt slip in that I didn’t give him my best?
Perhaps.
But then I remembered Dude is in Heaven and experiencing way more joy than I can even imagine.