This is the life we prayed for when we prayed that Christ would rebuild me and I would take up my tambourine and dance again. (Jeremiah 33)
BUT sometimes my muscles, my mind goes back to the grief and ache. Especially when I am stressed. I have been pretty stressed at work lately. Driving into work my mind and body start to remember that feeling of hopelessness and sadness. I really have to stop myself and pray. I have to remind myself that God is in control and is faithful. He brought me through the worst of the worst and He will be there for me during this time.
It’s weird. I wonder if this happens to other grief survivors. My mind over reacts to even the simplest stressful incident. My emotions immediately go back to all the anxiety and depressive thoughts. I start thinking about how HeeJun died. I start to imagine that day and go over that day for me. Why do I do that? Even something stupid like being frustrated at work makes me go down that road.
Praise God for Chad. After a stressful day at work, when I am driving home in tears and just want to crawl in bed and stay there, I can lay my head on his strong chest and remember God is faithful. I can breathe again. My safe haven.
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Yes, I experience similar (you asked if others experiencing grief can relate.) Death and grief and the after feelings change us. The event introduces us to new ways to feel that we’ve never known before, I think and in my experience.