Dec 302011
 

I used to scoff at people who posted New Year’s reflections. I never wanted to reflect on the horrible year behind me or think about another lonely year ahead.

Ah, but things have changed.

I hope you can’t read this without seeing God’s work in my life. I hope you can’t read this without realizing that without Him none of this would be possible. I would not be standing.

Joys

Marriage:

IMG_2006

  • I learned that my heart IS big enough. I learned how to move forward and to let go of my tight hold on my widow identity. Being a wife after being a widow is amazing. Everything is sweeter, brighter, softer, sexier.
  • I learned that sleep talking/ walking makes for lots of laughter in the morning.
  • I am still messy.

New House:

  • Remodeling a kitchen/ bathroom makes for lots of take out orders! Chad has a great eye for design. Dude is incredibly handy with construction and recessed lighting! Ready to assemble rocking chairs does not mean it is easily assembled!
  • 17 fruit trees may sound awesome, but they make a gigantic mess.

Work:

  • Quitting my job this year has been a big Faith step for me this year. I am excited to see what God has in store. Nervous, anxious, terrified…but excited. I learned so much about myself and about others while at that job.
  •  I can diagnose just about anyone now!
  •  My co-worker/ friend’s last day was today. She told me she cried during her exit interview. I realized that I didn’t cry at all during my last week. I was happy, relieved. Knowing that reaffirmed that I made the right decision. I was soooooooo ready to get out of that place.
  • I loved working with my sister.

Friendships:

  • The brain is an amazing thing.  Brain injuries suuuuuuuck. I think I’m gonna put that on a t-shirt. Wishing you could make everything better, but knowing you can’t…hurts.
  • I love S’mores around the campfire with friends.
  • I love the thought of camping out in the backyard…but my back hates it the next day.
  • Jumping in a Bounce House with my wedding dress on only makes sense to those who know me.

Hurdles and Obstacles

Doggie Drama: Moorea didn’t adjust very well to all these changes. Our littlest puppy is also the most vicious. Chad and I mastered the art of breaking up a Moorea/ Darcie fight. We are on a strict treatment plan to help her get back to normal. Keep them separated at all times!!

The In-Law Fiasco of 2011.

 

 Posted by at 8:36 pm
Dec 302011
 

The Kims have been on my mind. I miss the old “Us” during the holidays. I wonder what they do, what they’re feeling.  I have no idea what’s going on in their life and they have no idea what’s going on in mine.

It’s not supposed to be like this. I know widows who are so close to their late husband’s family, that they are truly like a daughter to them. Yet, it is probably for the best. 

I can’t even remember the last time I really talked to them.

Oh, I remember the texts, though! And the text telling me not to contact them after I told her I was engaged. “I was taking their memories of HeeJun away”.

I wonder if the only thing that broke my relationship with the Kims is the money. I wonder if there was anything else I could have done. More cards? More visits?  I wonder what more they needed from me (a grieving widow)…other than $25,000. Was it just too hard to be around me? I’ll never know.

Honestly, I’m okay with that.

This song reminds me of them and my relationship to the Larters, to Chad.

Near to them, I am better. (Way, way, way better!)

 Posted by at 4:53 pm